DESPERATION

DESPERATION....WHAT GOOD ROLE CAN IT PLAY IN A RELATIONSHIP??.....

None!!

According to the oxford advanced learner's dictionary, Desperation is a situation where an individual is so conscious of getting something, to the extent that he or she can do anything to achieve the desired result. It's like a do or die stuff and a 'by all means' attitude.

What does this cankerworm have to do with our relationship with others, especially with an opposite sex? 

I discovered that 85%of people we have around are so desperate when it comes to a relationship. 

One of the ways to prove this is this: a young man saw a lady at a conference and liked her, he went to her and they exchanged phone numbers. After the conference, the young man walked the girl home. On reaching his own house,he called the girl on phone to know how she was faring. Before he slept that night, he called the lady on phone again to say goodnight and even sent her messages. First thing the next morning, he sent her messages and called to say goodmornin. During breakfast the same mrng, he called 2 knw what the girl would eat. That afternoon, he called to say good afternoon, and even sent messages.... This continued for so long a time. Now, if you were that girl, how would you feel? It's no more caring, it's now pestering. Thats what desperation does to a relationship. Dearie, take it easy with the people around you. Take time to build a loving relationship with them, not hurrying them as if your whole life depended on that relationship. Dnt ever appear desperate so that you dont lose your value... Most of all, try to know where you're wanted and stick there. Dont try to force anyone to love you, because you might end up making the worst mistake of your life..you are too big and precious to be tolerated. You should be appreciated.. Finally, the only one who you should be desperate and obsessed about your relationship with him is God. Anyone short of Him is absolute debasement to your personality and self esteem..

Read More

WHEN YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT (Part 5)

WHEN YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT (Part 5)

My name is Ugochukwu. I am married to Ifeoma, a beautiful woman I adore and love so much. But my wife get wahala, plenty wahala! 😌😌😌

My wife is in the second trimester of her pregnancy. I do most of the cookings, because of the laziness and tiredness that comes with pregnancy. I dare not complain, she has my son. 😏😏😊😊

"Honey I want to drink water"

- I served her bottle water.

"I don't want bottle water, it's sachet water that I want" 😶😶😶

My people, is it not the same water that is inside bottle and sachet water? Which kind juju be dis? Maybe sachet water slaps different tho. 🙄😏

My wife gives me this kind of attitude, wanting something that we have at home, but I have to get it outside. 😔😔😔

Last two weeks Sunday, I cooked the usual rice and stew 🤗🤗, but my wife still told me "honey, I want to eat rice" 😊

Me: we have rice, I should get some for you.

Ifeoma: I can perceive the smell of stew from Mr. Okeke's house, that's the one I want. 😊😌

(Mr. Okeke is our next door neighbor, he lives with his wife and 2 children. He is a typical Igbo man)

We have rice, but you want to eat our neighbor's? 😲 why?

"Please just do it for me honey, for the sake of our baby" 🙏😌😌😋 she romantically asked me.

I had no choice but to go to Mr. Okeke's house. En-route, I was thinking in 5G, how on earth I will beg for food when I have food. 🤷

"Knock knock"

Mr. Okeke: "Who is that disturbing me in this hot weather, under this hot sun, in this hot economy?" 

Hehehe, Ugoo, nwannem, ke ije? (my brother, how are you?) 😅

Me: I am fine, please I need your help. My pregnant wife, wants to eat rice; your rice.

Mr. Okeke: No plobrem my bloda, ret me call my wife to put for you.

I succeeded. 🤗

My wife repeated this process two times and last week Saturday, Mr. Okeke visited me. I thought for a while that I was in trouble, but...

Mr. Okeke: my bloda, I came to beg you to help me pay my NEPA bill, I never see salary for 2 months now. 😔

Yes, I was in trouble!

Ifeoma, look at what you have caused! I will pay for this man's NEPA bills, and soon, he will asked me to pay his children school fees just because you want to eat rice! 😖😖😖

My wife, however, repeated the same thing yesterday, so I went to the market today to buy food stuffs for Mr. Okeke. I think that is the best thing to do 😅😅😅😅

I have bought rice, Maggi and salt. What else do you think I should buy? 🤔😅

#danfocomedy

Obsessed with Love

#EMOTIONS: 13-14 FEB. 

Read More

WHEN YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT (Part 4)

 

WHEN YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT (Part 4)

"Ekaite"!

No response.

"Ekaite"!!

No response.

"Where is Ekaite?" I asked Ifeoma, my wife.

My wife: I asked her to go on 5 months leave. Don't worry, we will continue to pay her while she's on leave.

Me: paying is not the problem, why did you ask her to go on leave? 🤔

My wife: I'm pregnant, all my legs are swollen, my hands too, my tommy is big, I'm ugly now, I don't want you to start looking at her. 😌😌

Me: so, who will do the cooking?

My wife: you will do it nau, "for the sake of our baby" 😌😌☺☺☺

Hmm, that is not the main gist.

It was the third month of my wife's pregnancy, she started developing cravings for weird smells. My wife fell in love with the smell of burnt or food! 😭😭😭

She has sent Ekaite, our cook who hails from Akwa-Ibom, on leave. So, I have to do the cooking. 😶😶😶

My wife would ask me to buy roasted groundnut, so she could smell it. 😲

"Honey, I want to eat beansssss 🙏😌☺"

She would romantically ask me to cook.

"Make some you cook with 2 pots. One for beans, and one for burnt beans, I just want to smell it 🙏😌😌😊".

No be juju be dat?

But, who am I to say no? She has my son 😔🤗

This continued for weeks, to the extent that I had to write on the walls of our kitchen;

THINGS MY WIFE LIKE TO SMELL

1. Roasted groundnut

2. Burnt beans

3. Burnt shawarma

4. Burnt white rice

5. Burnt agidi, and so on.

One day, she said something unbelievable!

She approached me while I was sitting in the parlor and said

"Baby, I just want to smell onions juice"

😲😲😲😲😲😲

How do I prepare onions juice? 🤷🙆

Ifeoma, let me just tell you, it is my nyash you will smell next. Nonsense and pregnancy! 😏🙄

#danfocomedy

Obsessed with Love

#EMOTIONS: 13-14 FEB.

Read More

WHEN YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT (Part 3)

WHEN YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT (Part 3)

I am a football addict. I play live football and even play computer football games. Juventus is my ideal team, because it has my Genius Of All Time, Cristiano Ronaldo. ❤❤🤗

My wife, however, hates computer games because it deprives her more of my time and affection. She was 4 months pregnant of my son. 😌😌

Whenever I'm playing games, she will walk 'to and fro' in front of my TV, until I attend to her needs. This made me play only when she's asleep. 😏😏😏

"What do men even see in football?" She would lament whenever she wake up at midnight and see me playing my PS5. 😅😅😅😅

One faithful Monday, after the day's stress, I wanted to relax, so I logged into master league, I couldn't find Cristiano Ronaldo in my team list. 😲😲😲😲

Ladies and Gentlemen, no be juju be dat?

I began to reason in 5G what the hell happened, I was lamenting for over 6 minutes before my wife opened up and said

"Okechukwu said I should sell him!"

😌😌😌😲😲😲

What? Sell him? How dare you sell my best player? What is wrong? Did I ask you to sell him?

In fact, who is Okechukwu? Who is he? 😖

(My wife burst into tears): "how can you not know who is Okechukwu?", she asked.

I was confused, and I asked her for the last time; who is he?

My wife: Okechukwu is the name of our baby 😔😲😲

What? How? You gave him a name already? Omoo 😂💔 In fact, how can a 4 months old baby in your stomach give an order in this house?

Okechukwu, you have 5 months left to come out and let us know who is the head of this house!

#danfocomedy

Read More

WHEN YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT (Part 2)

WHEN YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT (Part 2)

Research have shown that women have higher libido during pregnancy. Libido is a hormone for sex and pleasure, according to my biology teacher then at Crown Grace Schools. 😊😊😊

My wife, Ifeoma, was three months pregnant. Her sexual urge increased. 😲😲😲

Normally, I was tagged a sex addict, but in recent weeks, I run from sex, because there's an adage that says "person wey him mama dey sell Akara, no go gree chop akara as breakfast".

In fact, I am tired of sex! No be juju be dat? 😂

I would serve my wife breakfast in bed, and she would say "thanks honey, but I want to eat first nau". 😌😋

Ifeoma, eat what? 🙄🙄🙄

Fast forward to last week, I bought hairs for my wife from Sweet16weaves, my wife, out of excitement hugged me and told me something 🤔

My wife: thank you so much honey 🤗

Me: welcome. 😚

My wife: also, honey, valentine is coming and I'll like us to try out new sex styles on valentine's day. 😊😊😋😋

Me: okay... Tell me about it. 😌

My wife: It is called police and thief. I will act as police and you as thief. You will steal something from the kitchen, I will chase you and catch you in the bedroom, then we will make out.

Me: that's okay, let's begin.

My wife: but I need moneyyyyy 😌😌😌

Me: money to make out with you?

My wife: I need 50K to sew the police uniform I will use 😭 

Ahhhhhh! Ifeoma 😲😲

Police uniform? Just for f*ck? 😲🤔🤔 

Where is this marriage leading to? 🙄

#danfocomedy

Obsessed with Love

#EMOTIONS: 13-14 FEB.

Read More

WHEN YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT (Part 1)

WHEN YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT (Part 1)

I had promised my wife, while we were at our honeymoon, that if she gives birth to a male child, there would be butterflies in my belly. ❤❤❤

I would go as far as killing a cow, in celebration of an heir. I am Igbo, and my tradition values a male child. Igbo Kwenu! 😍😍😍

October last year, my wife, Ifeoma, developed an early morning sickness. She was pregnant. We went for a scan and it was a boy!!! 💃💃💃

I was overwhelmed with Joy. I began to shower Ifeoma with more gifts, love and affection. I was obsessed with holding that child and calling him my son! 🤗🤗🤗

But, Ifeoma saw this as an advantage to become lazy and demand excess pampering.

😏😏😏

She made me do the cooking and wash the dishes more often. I also wash her clothes, and whenever I complain, she will say it's "for the sake of our son" 😌🙄🙄

Ifeoma stop using me! 😭😭😭😭

Something happened last week, I was asleep at around 12am and someone woke me up. It was my wife and the following conversation took place;

My wife: baby please wake up 🙏😌

Me: honey what is it?

My wife: I want to eat suya (steak)

Me: suya? By this time? Its after 12am 😲

My wife: Ugochukwu, please it's for the sake of our son, its what the baby wants! 😔😔🙄

I had to leave the house, angrily, just to get suya for my wife. I was murmuring on the road; "what kind of a woman is this? Abi na so pregnant women dey do?" 😔😔💔

I reached the suya stand, but the 'aboki' was not there, he has closed. I had to go to his house, which was nearby, and when I knocked;

Aboki: who fi dat wey dey disturb am for my sleep?

Me: abeg, your suya remain?

Aboki: yes, but I don cold pinish.

Me: warm am! 😂😂😂

I bought as much as N500 amount of suya and headed for home, my wife and 'our son' were waiting. 🤗

When I reached home, the countenance of my wife changed. 

(Me ignoring her new mood): honey, this is the suya. 🙄😏

My wife: honey, I don't want suya again, it's pepper soup I want!

😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲 Omoooo

IFEOMA, NA THAT PEPPER SOUP GO PEPPER YOUR MOUTH! 😏😏😏😏😏

Read More

13 Tips To Make A Good Relationship Great

====================
1. Do the things you did the first year you were dating.
As the months and years roll on, we tend to slink into our proverbial sweatpants and get lazy in our relationship. We lose our patience, gentleness, thoughtfulness, understanding and the general effort we once made toward our mate. Think back to the first year of your relationship and write down all the things you used to do for your partner. Now start doing them again.
2. Ask for what you want.
Over time, we assume that our partner knows us so well that we don’t need to ask for what we want. What happens when we make this assumption? Expectations are set and just as quickly, they get deflated. Those unmet expectations can leave us questioning the viability of our partnership and connection. Keep in mind that “asking for what you want” extends to everything from emotional to sexual wants.
3. Become an expert on your partner.
Think about who your mate really is and what excites him or her (both physically and emotionally). We can become consumed by what WE THINK he/she wants, as opposed to tuning in to what truly resonates with the other person. Remember that if it’s important to your partner, it doesn’t have to make sense to you. You just have to do it.
4. Don’t ask “how was your day.”
At the end of a long day, we tend to mentally check out of our lives and consequently, our relationship. We rely on the standard question, “How was your day?” Generally, that boring question will yield a boring answer such as, “Fine, how was yours?” This does nothing to improve your connection and instead, can actually damage it because you’re losing the opportunity to regularly connect in a small way.
Instead, try asking things like, “What made you smile today?” or “What was the most challenging part of your day?” You’ll be amazed at the answers you’ll get, with the added benefit of gaining greater insight into your significant other.
5. Create a weekly ritual to check in with one another.
It can be short or long but it begins with asking each other what worked and didn’t work about the previous week and what can be done to improve things this coming week. Additionally, use this opportunity to get on the same page with your schedules, plan a date night and talk about what you would like to see happen in the coming days, weeks, and months in your relationship. Without an intentional appointment to do a temperature check, unmet needs and resentments can build.
6. Keep it sexy.
What might change in your relationship if both you and your partner committed to increasing the behaviors you each find sexy and limiting those that aren’t? Think about this in the broadest form. “Sexy” can certainly refer to bedroom preferences, but it also represents what excites us about our mate in our day-to-day lives. Do you find it sexy if he/she helps with the housework? Do you find it “unsexy” when he/she uses the restroom with the door wide open? Talk about what it specifically means to “keep it sexy” in your relationship. Be amazed, be humored, be inspired!
7. Get creative about the time you spend together.
Break out of the “dinner and a movie” routine and watch how a little novelty can truly rejuvenate your relationship. On a budget and can’t go big? Jump on the internet to look for “cheap date ideas” and be blown away at the plethora of options. Can’t afford a sitter? Try swapping babysitting time with friends that have kids. It’s free and they will likely be thrilled to take your kids because they will get to take advantage when they drop their kids at your place.
8. Get it on.
Unless you have committed to an asexual partnership, sex, sexual contact and touching (kissing, holding hands, cuddling etc.) are vital components of a romantic relationship. The frequency is of course, up to you and it’s imperative that you discuss your ideas about it in order to prevent resentment. Rare are the moments when both partners are “in the mood” at the exact same second, but that doesn’t mean that you have to decline their advances. Remind yourself that you will almost always “get there” after the first few minutes and that an intimate interaction of any kind builds connection and elevates your mood and health. Bear in mind that you are never required to say “yes.” If you truly don’t feel it, the best thing you can do is to postpone. Just make sure that you initiate or accept within a reasonable amount of time thereafter.
9. Take a (mental) vacation, everyday.
Life and work distractions can become paramount in our minds and that leaves little time or energy for our partner. Practice the art of “Wearing the Relationship Hat.” This means that (barring any emergencies or deadlines), we are fully present when we’re with our mate. We truly hear what they are saying (instead of pretending to listen), we leave our distractions behind and we don’t pick them up again until the sun comes up and we walk out the door.
Some Tips To Improve Communication
Sadly, we aren’t born with the innate ability to effectively communicate but it doesn’t mean that we can’t learn. Use the following techniques to better navigate and limit the tension in your relationship:
10. Take “fight breaks” when you need them.
Before you’ve hit the point of no return and as you see the stress beginning to escalate, one or both of you can call a break so that cooler heads can prevail. The crux of this tool lies in the fact that you must pick a specific time to revisit the conversation (I.e. 10 minutes from now, 2:00pm on Tuesday etc.) so that closure can be achieved.
11. Dig deep to unearth your true feelings.
In most disagreements, we communicate from the “Top Layer,” which are the obvious emotions such as anger, annoyance and the like. Leading from this place can create confusion, defensiveness and ultimately distract from the real issue. Start communicating from the “Bottom Layer” (i.e. What feelings are really driving your reactions such as disappointment, rejection, loneliness, disrespect etc.).
This type of expression creates an instant sense of empathy because it requires honesty and vulnerability to share from this space. Tension will dissipate and from here, solutions can spring. Just be sure to use kind, non-reactive phrasing when expressing these bottom layer feelings, such as “I felt hurt by…” as a replacement for “You’re such a jerk” etc.
12. Seek to understand … not agree.
Easy in concept, difficult in application. Conversations quickly turn to arguments when we’re invested in hearing our partner admit that we were right or when we are intent on changing his/her opinion. Choose to approach a conversation as an opportunity to understand your significant other’s perspective as opposed to waiting for them to concede. From this perspective, we have an interesting dialogue and prevent a blow out or lingering frustration.
13. Make your apology count.
It’s well understood that apologizing is a good thing but it only makes a real impact when you mean it. Saying things like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you see it that way” are a waste of time and breath. Even if you don’t agree that your action was wrong, you will never successfully argue a feeling.
Accept that your mate feels hurt and from this place, a real apology can have a significant impact. When you love your partner and hurt them (intentionally or not) you can always legitimately apologize for the pain you caused regardless of your perspective on what you did or didn’t do.
You are now, officially armed with the comprehensive exercise routine to fully reshape your relationship. Trim the fat and build your hottest relationship for life!

Read More

A Love And Hate Relationship (True Life Story) Part 1

==================
Prologue.
The tension in the room was thick. Nathalie faked a smile, staring at the girl who was throwing herself all over Xavier, her boyfriend for four years now. Four years and nothing to show for it. No proposal, just dates upon dates that led to where? no where. Nathalie glared at Xavier who was oblivious to the fact that his friend’s girlfriend was all over him, not even caring about the fact her boyfriend was sitted beside her.
” Excuse me” Nathalie said shoving her sit backwards and leaving aware of the fact that Xavier was on her trail.
“What is your problem?” he asked obviously tired.
Nathalie turned around scowling at him.
“My problem?, seriously are you asking me that?, dont you see that tramp throwing herself all over you?” Nathalie answered hotly.
Xavier sighed “So that is the reason behind your behaviour” it was more of a question than a statement.
Nathalie glared at him “Xavier, we have been together for four years, we have been bestfriends for fifteen years.I know you like i know the back of my palm, so what is holding you back?” Nathalie said softly.
Xavier frowned. It always came down to this. Marriage. He had tried a number of times to tell her he was not ready but she got the latter. He wasn’t ready for this topic. Not here and definitely not now. If he were to go into marriage, he needed to think of the future. Their future, the bills, the kids. He loved her, but as painful as it was, he was not ready.
“Does it always come down to this?” he asked devastated.
Nathalie stepped forward clutching his hands in her small ones and looking up to him through glassy eyes.
“Xavier i love you so much and i dont want you taken away from me, i cant bare that pain Xavier. I am scared of loosing you” Nathalie said, her eyes already watery.
“And you wont, why cant you just believe in me?” Xavier asked softly.
“And why dont you just propose?” Nathalie countered releasing his hands and shoving him with her fists.
“What is holding you back Xavier?, who is holding you back?” the tears escaped her eyes.
“You should go home” Xavier said, clearly tired. His girlfriend was a drama queen, but that was one of the qualities he liked about her. He was brought back to reality with a slap.
“What?” Xavier asked touching his face. It stung badly. He watched her wipe her tearswith the back of her palm and was about to walk away when he clutched her hand in his grasp.
“Nathalie please” he pleaded.
She scowled at him.
“let go of me you______” she tried freeing herself from his grasp.
“Dont push me Xavier, dont!” she warned but Xavier drew her into his chest. She bursted out crying.
“I love you Nathalie. Dont forget that, i love you” he said softly, kissing her head.
“I love you too, but i am scared.I am so scared of loosing you, i cant share you with anyone. Xavier let’s just get married please” she said in between tears.
“Nathalie we will. Someday but not now” he said softly.
To Be Continued…

Read More

DEALING WITH HEARTBREAK

Heartbreaks can be a very devastating issue in the life of anyone whose heart has been broken. It could lead to inferiority complex, fear, depression and it could also close doors to potential relationships. When a lady's heart is broken, she feels inadequate, lost and so cheap. It's also the same with guys. However, while these genders handle heartbreak in different ways, the fact still remains that a heart break takes a piece of someone's soul. And if you are currently heartbroken as a result of a failure in relationship, we have prepared something to help you. First of all, we will not fail to state that it is very hard to let go of that special someone who really added a special meaning to your life. That someone who gave your heart bubbles and made you feel commited to someone great. You just can't figure out how or why you should just wake up one morning and let go. But the best thing you can ever do is to really let go. These steps can help you: STEER CLEAR OF THE HEARTBREAKER The problem with most people who have experienced heartbreak is that they still stay close to the heartbreaker, with the intention of trying to make them change their mind. While it could be possible for the heartbreaker to come back, the chances are slim and staying that close really hurts. So, steer clear of that person. If possible, avoid the person. WAKE UP TO REALITY I know it might be easy to forget someone but very difficult to erase their memory from your mind. But the best thing to do is to wake up to reality. You are no longer together. You too are past to each other. And bygones should be bygones. CONSOLE YOURSELF You alone can really cause yourself to move on. You can push yourself. So, console yourself. Maybe you guys were never meant to be. Maybe you placed too much expectation on your ex. Take charge of your life. Be strong and stop fantasizing. BE IN THE COMPANY OF PEOPLE THAT LOVES YOU No matter how horrible you feel, there are still people who care alot about your welfare. Get in touch with them. Allow them take care of you. You need it. TAKE YOUR TIME The worst mistake you can ever make again is to jump into another relationship immediately. You need time to heal. So give yourself that time. Finally, you might need to talk to God and people you respect, so that they can help you through this dark time.

Read More

The Meaning Of Love

The meaning of love can’t really be explained, it has to be experienced. The definition of love may be two sentences long, but what is love really, and how does it work? And how does it make you feel? The meaning of love Love… I wonder what it really means. Is it the feeling that makes me want to jump out with joy? Or is it that touch that makes me want to skip across the clouds? I wonder if it is love when I feel happy to see her face, or is it love when I embrace her passionately? It’s strange but words seem to welcome poverty when we try to find the meaning of love. I don’t know if I’m in love, I ask myself all the time if I’m in love. Defining emotions – The definition of love I really don’t know the definition of love because no one has ever showed me what love really is. They say it is felt, when I embrace my lover, when I hold her palms. They say it is to be heard, in the rustle of the leaves, in the cool breeze, in the words of the special person in my life. They say love is to be seen in the beauty of the world, in the depth of my lover’s eyes. Or as some say, is love is to be tasted, like the sweet candy that melts in my mouth, or the way I melt when my lips meet her lips? I don’t know what the definition of love is, but does love mean sacrifices and pain? Or is it love when I kill myself for her love? If that is true love, then perhaps, I’m not in love at all. I have never felt like I have sacrificed anything for her, I have readily given up anything that I could give up to make her happy. So what then, is the meaning of love? I have never felt pain when she fought with me, I have understood her better. And I would never kill myself, why would I want to leave such a beautiful place, and a beautiful person like her, just to prove that I love her? So am I in love with her, I don’t know. What is love then? Perhaps I still don’t know what love is, because no one has ever told me what love is. I’ve only read about it in books and listened to songs that try to explain the meaning of love. I’ve heard songs that say love is like a river, some songs that say love is like an undying flame, some say its like a butter fly, someother say love is like a warm breeze, yet other say 'love is unbreakable'. How can love be so many different things and yet be the same? But I do know that my world stops when I’m with her. I burn inside and warmth fills within me as she clasps my hand in hers. I lose sight of the world when I gaze into her eyes. I don’t know what it is that makes me weak when she hugs me. She makes me feel so special. Real Definition of Love Love is a very subjective word, unlike any other word in the world. I think it’s something like our fingerprints. No one can understand what another person’s definition of love is, nor can anyone ever replicate another person’s love. Perhaps love is just a word we use when we have to define a feeling that just can’t be described, a feeling that no one else can understand but you. I found myself contemplating about love, and what I felt. I heard a lot of scientific bollocks saying that love is a neural blah and some more blah blah… and another thousand pages of more scientific blah! But then, I really think that love is something that is more than just science, it’s a reason that makes us believe that there is something beyond our control. Love is a religion that you really begin to believe in. Love is something that just can’t be explained in a thousand journals, but it can bring tears of joy in your eyes when you read a letter of a hundred words from your lover It's only when we truly know and understand that we've a limited time on earth - and that we've no way of knowing when our time is up, we'll then began to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had. Never be bullied into silence, never allow yourself to be made a victim. Access no one definition of your life, ‪ Define_Yourself.

Read More