Avoid 'the male feminist' for he is the absolute worst.
Obviously not all men are the same and they can't all
be put into neat little categories. But there are 16 very real
stereotypes that a hell of a lot of guys fit, and we can assure you, if
you're on a dating hype at uni you're going to end up meeting a fair few
of them.
1. The gap year guy.
Yep, the one who's always banging on about how he 'found himself'.
Often seen wearing harem pants and/or sandals even in winter. Has a tie
die wall hanging in his room and thinks the most profound moment of his
life was when he took Ayahuasca in Peru.
2. The inexperienced sweetheart.
He may not know his way around a vulva but he is such a good dude. Your
job is to help build up his confidence and send him off into the world,
like a proud parent, equipped with life-changing oral tips and
fingering moves. Future women will thank you for your contribution.
3. The faux intellectual.
Wears box knit cardie and tiny, thin-framed glasses that five years ago
would have be laughed at endlessly. Often heard quoting Nietzsche to
strangers. His apparent 'wisdom' blows your knickers off initially, but
then you start to find him smug and very, very annoying.
4. The king of bants.
He's a massive laugh, super popular and always out boozing and being
ridiculous. His stories are the best (that time his mate set his fart on
fire and his butt cheeks got second degree burns), but when sober he
absolutely cannot hold a normal conversation. Babe, get some interests
other than drinking.
5. The male feminist. He
thinks Joss Whedon is God ("It's so great he created Buffy, putting a
strong woman at the center of a TV show for once") and is always telling
you just how much he "loves to go down on women". Eventually you'll
twig it's because he considers himself the Orgasm Donor and his whole
feminist thing is actually a way to get into girls' pants.
6. The guy (and his gf) who want a three-way. At
first you think you've met a cool couple who want to be BFF's, but then
one night, when you're alone in their flat, and you've finished the
bottle of Tequila, she'll lean over and touch your inner thigh.
7. The best mate who's actually in love with you.
You've done everything you can to make it clear you're just pals. You
constantly fart in his presence, tell him about your hairy legs and go
into detail about the guys you actually fancy. Then he goes and makes a
move. FFS dude.
8. The really trendy (read: pretentious) guy.
He makes you feel pig ugly and uncool AF in comparison until you just
can't take hiding your love for Little Mix anymore. Sorry, you don't
know who Gucci Mane is, and frankly you don't care.
9. The negger.
He seems charming and maybe a bit arrogant but after a few pints with
him, you realize you're feeling a bit glum and OMG it's because he's
been subtly putting you down for two hours. Avoid like the plague.
10. The secret posho.
He rocks tatty Vans and ripped jeans, but he's got a huge telly, a
Chesterfield (in perfect condition) in his living room and an en suite.
Plus, you think you spotted a legit Hockney hanging in his hallway.
11. The guy in a long distance relationship.
He wants you to go over, watch films and eat pizza but nothing sexual
EVER happens. Then you find out he's got a GF who's at Cardiff uni, and
they're engaged, and Christ alive he's just trying to replicate the
comfort of being in a relationship without actually cheating.
12. The absolute don of shagging.
With him you come harder and more often than ever before. He's always
saying you've got a banging body and how he loves your calves. But, sex
aside, there's approx zero connection between you. Perfect for boosting
your confidence, and orgasm quota, then sending you off glowing into the
sea of babes you do actually get on with it.
13. The second-time fresher.
He's instantly 10 times more attractive because he's a year older than
you, but he failed first year (seriously, is that even possible? Don't
you have to get like 10% to pass?) and is therefore obviously either an
utter dunce or total waste-man.
14. The absolute bullshitter (aka the narcissist). Every
story he tells sounds like something out of a Jack Kerouac novel. And,
thinking about it, he sounds way too good to be true. That's because he
is. He's a sociopath and you need to run the f*ck for the hills before
you're in too deep.
15. The drug-lord.
At first he seems way fun because when you see him out he's always
loving life and full of enthusiasm. Then you go to a house party and see
him going back and forth to the toilet all night and realize he's
buzzing his tits off on more narcotics than Super Hans.
16. The clinger. You
made out under the harsh neon lights of Oceana one time, at 4.45am,
because all your pals had gone home and left you. Next thing you know,
he's trying to get you to meet his parents over Skype. Your vagina seals
itself up just thinking about him.
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